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That’s something that happens when you play around! It’s completely human to misjudge, and it’s completely human to react to that error. Perhaps you could discuss it with him using a detached approach along these lines—these things happen! It doesn’t make him a bad person or anything close to a rapist. It just makes him someone who said something that triggered you. A boundary that previously wasn’t visible now is.

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Eventually, talking dirty became less and less awkward, and it started to become something I truly enjoyed. Reading your letter, I thought that “Binky and Winky” was perfect. Makes me wonder if your letter is even real. But then, I spend a lot of time these days wondering if things I see on the internet are real. No matter, really—what’s important is that it could be real.

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If you invite him in explicitly, he may see that what happened was a blip, something you can both get over with minimal effort. My husband and I had a very rare work-free, kids-at-daycare day home together today. We had some of the most connected and amazing sex this morning that we have had since our youngest was born almost 10 months ago.

I have felt this way hooking up in the past, which makes some sense because being alone with a stranger is probably inherently awkward, but even with my spouse, whom I love deeply, I can’t seem to feel relaxed. I have no trauma that might be the root of this feeling, and I am generally very comfortable with my spouse. After sex, I just want some space and air, which doesn’t seem like it should be too much to ask, but if I try to extricate myself, my spouse gets upset. I have tried explaining that I need some peace and space in the very same way that they need snuggling and the like, to wind down and recenter myself, but I never seem to get through.

• Lisa talks about her fantasies of fucking other men while her husband fucks her tight pussy.
• And now, I’m a better lover because I know how to communicate exactly what I want.
• I am pretty vanilla, but I relate to the previous question asker’s distaste for cuddling, especially after sex.
• “You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? You exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you.”
• Makes me wonder if your letter is even real.

We let them roam around the place pretty freely, because like I said, there isn’t a lot of space even if we don’t restrict it any. But that means the rabbits have occasionally been in the bedroom when we’ve had sex. The past question that you reference was specifically regarding BDSM, which often is practiced with written/verbal agreements detailed beforehand. Aftercare is generally part of the protocol. Perhaps the same should be so for other forms of sex, including the vanilla variety, but it isn’t as widely practiced there.

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If your husband hasn’t been examined by a doctor (including getting bloodwork done), you should encourage him to do so. Erectile dysfunction can be caused by serious health conditions like diabetes and heart disease. It’s worth knowing whether there’s something at the root of this issue. It is important for you both to be able to speak up. You could perhaps help bring him back to equilibrium by asking him if he has any boundaries he would like for you to respect. Or even if there’s anything he’d like to add to your sex life.

As important the touching and physical sensations are for my sex life, dirty talk has made my orgasms feel more complete. And now, I’m a better lover because I know how to communicate exactly what I want. In the months I dated Paul, he pulled from me bits and pieces and implanted thoughts that had never crossed my mind.

So there’s a bit of nuance, I think, that makes comparing that scenario with yours at least slightly less straightforward. But again, all of this matters little if he’s not into it. So you should talk about that and ask him what he wants to do about this. If he’s not making any real effort, suggest a sex therapist/coach that you visit together. You could also look into opening the relationship or even ending it, but there is much that could be done (at least theoretically) before exploring those options. My interpretation of this experience is that you were both playing around and he went a little too far.